When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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