How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
