apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize