Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
