I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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