If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
