After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are two peas in an std pod
There r osticjed everywhere
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
