im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
