It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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