Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's great music for shaving your balls
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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