he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
