i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
