Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
