I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize