I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
