Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
