I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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