I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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