every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
