i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I looked at my own cervix.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
