I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
