a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize