You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
