my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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