Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
