Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
