What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
