so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
