Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
