When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
