trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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