And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
