It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
