I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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