if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
