This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
