Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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