fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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