i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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