dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
