I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
