my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
