Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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