you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
