u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
