I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize