i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
