So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
