her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
