and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
