I have demons in me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
