Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
