So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
