I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
