Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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