Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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