So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
