I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
