I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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