i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
