Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
