Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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