remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
