so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
