I just cut my nipple shaving
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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