omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
