I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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