9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize