Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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