I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
