Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
