yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
