You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
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