I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize