you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
