Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
