i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
