He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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