Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
