moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
