I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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