I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
