it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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