I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
