life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
