Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
